Ready or Not?

In my last post, I said that I had gone off the pill. As of right now, I am back on the pill for an additional month. Everything seemed fine up until the actual moment that I took my last pill. I had a few days of absolute freak out and it really got me thinking. M and I are still young and I wanted one more month of just he and I having a good time. Not worrying about getting pregnant, or having a baby. Just having fun and being relaxed and spending a lot of time with each other. I'm not sure exactly what haooened last week, but I think it had to do with the fact that for the last year, we have been talking about stopping the pill and trying to get pregnant and it always seemed so far off in the distance. It was a great thought and exciting, but it was never actually here. When the moment finally came, I lost it. It was so overwhelming to actually start trying and I needed one more month to really be ready. I am a worrier by nature, so when I have some time to myself, my brain does its own thing and I start to think about too many things. My biggest worry about getting pregnant (besides not being able to get pregnant) is that M and I won't feel the same about each other after a baby. I am madly in love with this man and I would be devestated if anything were to happen to us that would change our love. I realize that having a baby will indeed change our love, but I am hoping that it makes it even stronger and better. My ultimate fear is that we start to hate each other sometime during pregnancy or after the baby is born. It's a lot to think about and quite frankly, it scared me enought temporarily to take a step back and postpone our attempt. But with a week now to think about it, I already feel better and I'm getting excited to start trying again at the end of this month. In the meantime, it's our "month of fun" as we are calling it.