Containing My Excitement

I am attending a two day class on communicating effectively.  I wasn't originally signed up for it, but my boss couldn't go so she sent me instead.  I was hesitant, especially because I really don't like being forced into conversation with random people, but this was so much more than that.  The speaker, Paul Axtell, is amazing and so different from other speakers I've heard.  Usually I feel like most of these classes are a bunch of hoo-ha, but he is so calming that I didn't even realize how much I was enjoying the class until our second break.  In the process of the class, I met a woman who is also trying to get pregnant.  (I'm telling you, this class made you feel like you were in therapy and you could tell anyone anything)  She has been trying since September, and she recently had a miscarriage.  It was so comforting speaking to her about the fears and the anticipation of trying to get pregnant.  And it was really interesting to be able to listen to her describe her experience with the miscarriage.  I am scared everyday of getting pregnant and then having that ultimate failure feeling if I were to miscarry.  Miscarriage is something I try to avoid thinking about because I am scared that if I spend time thinking about it, it may be more likely to come true.  Again, I am not even pregnant yet, but I am so nervous about the possibility of it not going well.  I don't have it in me to talk to M about my fears because I don't think he will understand where I am coming from.  That's why it was so comforting to talk with someone who is in the same position as me and is feeling the exact same things.  Its so amazing that by a small turn of fate, I end up in a class with a person who I can fully relate to and feel comfortable talking to.  Its funny how life actually helps you sometimes. :)